翻译: 冠风 vai歪 一滑 赛尔壳斯
我们没有糖浆了 We're out of syrup.
校对: 史努比嘟
呵 你知道吗 Huh. You know what?
或许我要用用我的实习生 格鲁提 Maybe I'll use my intern?
- 够了吗 - 谢了 格鲁提 Glootie? -Good?
后期: 天灵没有盖
还需要别的什么吗 -Thanks, Glootie. -Anything else?
不要开发 我的程序
你想要开发一款应用程序吗 Do you want to develop an app?
- 不了 谢谢 格鲁提 - 嘿 你好吗 格鲁提 -No thanks, Glootie. -Hey, what's up, Glootie?
压制: 怪查理
- 嗨 莫蒂 你想要开发一款应用程序吗 - 不了谢谢 Hi, Morty. Do you want to develop an app?
瑞克 为什么你的实习生 -No thanks. -Rick, why does it say,
额头上写着"不要开发我的应用程序" "Do not develop my app," on your intern's forehead?
总监: 怪查理
怎么呢 你想要开发一款应用程序吗 Why, you want to develop one?
啊 我很高兴你问了这个问题 杰里 Ah, I'm glad you asked that, Jerry.
是为了不让你去开发他的程序 It's so youdon't develop his app.
- 格鲁提 去复印点什么东西 - 好的 Glootie, go make some photocopies of something.Cool.
嗯 如果有谁想跟我一起开发程序 我很愿意 Well, if anyone wants to develop an app with me, I'm down.
他看起来特别想开发程序 He seems to reallywant to develop an app.
他确实很想 亲爱的 但是没人会那么做 He really does, sweetie, but nobody's gonna do that.
好了 你们不介意的话 Now, if you'll excuse me,
我有个很快的个人冒险要进行 I've got a quick solo adventure to go on,
这个冒险可不由朗·霍华德导演 and this one will notbe directed by Ron Howard.
朗·霍华德 电影的导演 solo也有个人之意
他是要去拉屎 He's gonna go poop.
当外公那么拍他的肚皮 When Grandpa Rick pats his belly like that
还不带着莫蒂离开 意味着他要去拉屎了 and leaves without Morty, it means he's going to go poop.
他拉屎的时候会不好意思 He's a shy pooper.
他有一个秘密的拉屎地点 He has a secret pooping place.
靠 我操 夏茉 Man, fuck you, Summer.
亲爱的 你为啥不能因为你的SAT这么兴奋 Honey, why can't you get this excited about your SATs?
嗯 我够男人 可以直接说 我要去拉屎 Well, I'm man enough to simply say, "I'm going to poop,"
而且我很荣幸有朗·霍华德参与 and I'd be honored to have Ron Howard involved.
- 好样的 宝贝 - 你行啊 爸 - 我们支持你 Good job, hon.Way to go, Dad.We're rooting for ya.
他真的给你布置了很多工作 哈 He's really putting you to work, huh?
你想开发一款应用程序吗 Did you want to develop an app?
- 我就不了 格鲁提 - 哼 那是你的损失 -I'll pass, Glootie. -Hmm, your loss.
哦 是吗 为什么呢 Oh, yeah? Why's that?
呃 这是一款你想要开发的程序 Eh, it's an app you'd want to develop.
- 我能问它是什么啊 - 你当然可以 -Can I ask what it is? -Of course you can.
那总是开发程序的第一步 That's always the first step in app development.
啊 哈哈哈 Ah. [ Chuckles ]
我们一半一半 最终提议 50/50! Final offer!
瑞克与莫蒂
第四季 第二集
电波诚译
反推消化过程 Reverse digestion extrapolation.
是时候见见你的制造者了 Time to meet your maker.
你们在干什么 What are you guys doing?
你开发了一款程序吗 Did you develop an app?
开发程序的第一条规则 儿子 Rule number one in app development, son --
永远别遵循规则 never follow the rules.
除非这规则被纹在了外星人的额头上 老爸 Except when the rule is tattooed on an alien's forehead, Dad.
你觉得为什么瑞克会有这个规定 Why do you think Rick would have that rule?
因为他怕别人烦他 Cause he's a disrupt-o-phobe.
不 老爸 不 No, Dad, no.
是为了防止可怕的事情发生 To keep something horrible from happening,
一些他懒得解释的事情 something he's too lazy to explain.
伙计们 我们有第一个用户啦 Guys, we're getting our first users.
哇 这个新程序刚刚给我匹配了 Whoa, this new app just matched me
超我菜的人 with a guy that is su my ty.
超级是我的菜 学着缩写 Super my type. Learn to abbre.
嘿 Hey!
你的超菜 在Jersey Mike's工作 Your su ty works at Jersey Mike's
Jersey Mike's 美国三明治快餐连锁店
还一年看25场Phish演出 and sees 25 Phish shows a year.
Phish 美国摇滚乐队 因为混合乐种和即兴表演而出名
- 那太丹尼了 - 夏茉 -That is so Danny. -Summer!
- 丹尼 - 夏茉 史密斯吗 -Danny? -Summer Smith?
丹尼 普伯列斯来自 寻寻又爱爱 写了两遍"寻"和"爱"吗 Danny Publits from Lovefinderrz with two "R's" and a "Z"?
我一路盯着你的资料跑过来的 I ran all the way here while staring at your profile.
我撞上了一个消防栓然后摔倒了 I tripped on a fire hydrant and fell down,
所以我浑身有粘着汗的小石子 so I'm covered in gravel that stuck to my sweat.
哪怕冲个澡之后 And even after a shower,
我还是会对这给老瘾君子听的混合乐队感兴趣 I'll still be into a jam band for old junkies,
但我觉得这个世界太在意乐队了 but I think this world cares too much about bands
而不够在意爱 and too little about love.
- 而且我觉得我爱你 - 我也是 And I think I love you. -Me, too.
嘿 我是我未成年女儿的母亲 Hi, I'm my underaged daughter's mother.
很高兴 哇啊 Nice to -- whoa!
拜托 才认识啊 Come on. Just met.[ Cellphone beeps ]
呃 我们不合适 Uh, this isn't working.
等等 你干什 Wait. What are you --
算了 Never mind.
我不干了 我是弯的 我爱山德 I quit, I'm gay, and I love Xander.
这愚蠢的手机在摧毁我们 Stupid phones are destroying us.
嘿 宝贝 Hey, sweetie.
亲爱的 我们的女儿跟一个混混跑了 Honey, our daughter ran off with a Frisbee golfer
因为一个蠢程序 because of some app with a really dumb,
很容易忘的名字 really forgettable name.
一个很蠢 很没创意 超级用力过猛 Like a really dumb, uncreative, super sweaty name.
不管了 我会晚点 爱你 Anyway, I'll be late. I love you.
知道了 我也爱你 Got it. I love you, too.
好了 格鲁提 把那个程序撤下来 Okay, Glootie, take the app down.
撤不下来 我只是个实习生 Can't take it down. I'm just an intern.
呃 程序不是这样运作的 Uh, that's not how apps work.
那就把这变成运作方式 Then make it how it works.
这不是让事情运作的办法 This isn't how making things work works.
把它 从服务器上弄下来 Get -- get it off the server.
你 你以为我们很蠢吗 我们不蠢 Y-You think we're stupid, but we're not.
我们知道程序和服务器有关 We know apps have something to do with servers.
服务器在母舰上 The server's on the mother ship.
母舰在哪 Where's the mother ship?
- 它在来的路上 - 带我们去 -It's coming. -Take us to it.
- 不要 - 要 -No. -Yes.
再多摇摇他 这有用 Shake him more, Morty. That was working.
带我们去母舰 Take us to the mother ship.
好吧 别伤害我 别伤害我 Okay, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me.
吓人哔哔音效应用程序 An ominous beeping app.
真的没法对这么有才能的人一直发火 You can't stay made at a guy with this kind of talent.
爸 你能而且必须要发火 Dad, you can, and you have to.
- 呱呱 - 呱呱 -Ribbit, ribbit. -Ribbit, ribbit.
- 嘿 呱呱 呱呱 - 呱呱 呱呱 -Hey, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit! -Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit!
瞧瞧这家伙 他特别想吃了我 Look at this guy. He wants to eat me so bad.
你想把我吃了 对吧 You want to eat me, don't you?
- 呱呱 - 开玩笑呢 来点毒品 -Ribbit. -Just kidding. Have some drugs.
你是虫伯格吗 Are you Vermigurber?
这人要干嘛 这猴子是谁 What does this guy want? Who is this monkey?
我来找你谈谈一份三明治的事 I'm here about a sandwich.
哦 那你可来对地方了 Oh, well you came to the right place...
因为你就要享受到一份子弹三明治了 ...'cause you're about to get a bulletsandwich
一两片全"枪"馅的 on two slices of whole...gun.
你最好接一下这个电话 You might want to get that.
喂 Hello?
爸 这个人类要什么就给他什么吧 Dad, give the human whatever he wants.
他知道我住在哪 他是个疯子 He knows where I live. He's crazy!
你这个傻逼 You fucking idiot.
我有80万个孩子呢 I have 800,000 kids.
别忘了看看语音留言信箱 Don't forget your voicemail.
您有47万条新信息 You have 470,000 messages.
哦 啊 那已经是一半了 Oh, ah, that's half of them.
好吧 你 你想要什么 你想要什么 Okay, w-w-what do you want? What do you want?
等会 你难道真的是来问三明治的 Wait, this is seriously about sandwiches?
我以为是毒品或者枪之类的 I thought this was about drugs or guns
又或者是我作为苍蝇却经营着一间青蛙餐厅 or the fact that I'm a fly that runs a frog restaurant.
我有成千上万的趣事 There's a million things that are interesting about me,
但没有一个是跟三明治有关的 and none of them are sandwiches.
- 谁点的这个三明治 - 去问我们的快递机器人啊 -Who ordered it? -Talk to our delivery drone.
他 他跑去参加机器人战争了 He -- he run off to fight in the robot wars.
嘿 猿人 我希望你做的事值得 Hey, ape man, I hope this was worth
你树这一窝蜂的的敌人 making a whole swarm of enemies.
只要能找到谁在我的厕所里拉屎 就是值得的 It will be when I find whoever shit in my toilet.
这是什么暗号吗 你们快查一查 Is that code for something? Someone look that up.
如果这是毒品的外号 我得知道是什么 If that's drug slang, I need to know it.
- 妈 你没法阻止真爱的 - 哦 我当然能 -Mom, you can't s*Default true love. -Oh, yes, I can.
- 你这是在袭击我 - 小声点 -You're assaulting me! -Keep your voice down.
有人袭击我 I'm being assaulted!
哦 是吗 好的 Oh, yeah? Okay.
强奸未成年人 Statutory rape! -Whoa.
有人要强奸我女儿 My daughter's about to be raped!
不我没有 有人在袭击我 No, I'm not! I'm being assaulted!
- 强奸 - 袭击 -Rape! -Assault!
- 强奸 - 没人在乎 这是汽车旅馆 -Rape! -Nobody cares. It's a motel.
没有人是因为他们的生活好到 Nobody's here because their life's going so great
能有精力掺合到你们的破事才住这的 they can afford to get mixed up in yours.
你们自己处理你们的逼事吧 Deal with this shit on your own.
你没办法阻止我们开汽车旅馆的房间 You can't s*Default us from getting a motel room.
好 那我也开一间 Fine. I'll get one, too.
就住在你们隔壁 I'm getting the one next door,
我要扣个杯子在墙上 听你们的声音 and I'm putting a glass to the wall, and I'm listening.
- 好 听得开心 - 我会的 -Fine. Enjoy. -I will.
- 另外 我叫丹尼 - 给过你机会了 傻屌 -I'm Danny, by the way. -You had your chance, dick.
撤掉你们的应用软件 Take your app down.
撤 撤掉它 T-Take -- take it down.
- 什么 - 我是他们的人质 -What? -I'm their hostage.
- 他们有武器吗 - 没有 但我也没有 -Do they have weapons? -Nope, but neither do it.
你 你有武器吗 Do -- do youhave a weapon?
没有 No.
- 把应用软件撤了 - 把应用软件撤了 -Take the app down. -Take the app down.
我做不到 我只是个实习生 I can't. I'm an intern.
好吧 那是谁给实习生下指示 Okay, well who tells interns what to do?
反正肯定不是你 Not you, that's for sure.
带我们去见下指示的人 不然我们就 就 就揍你 Take us to whoever does, or w-w-we'll -- we'll punch you.
好吧 Okay.
不赖嘛 莫蒂 Not bad, Morty.
嗯 我还不清楚这么做的副作用是什么 Yeah, I don't know when the other shoe's gonna drop,
但目前为止还是很有效的 but this is working pretty good so far.
你好 我们是一夫一妻星人 Greetings. We are the Monogatrons.
你们的种族还在玩火的时候 While your species was still toying with fire,
我们就已经掌握了伟大的 ours mastered the science of functioning,
维持和谐稳定伴侣关系的技术 committed relationships.
作为刚刚开发我们应用软件的星球 As the latest planet to develop our app,
你们将见证高级亲密关系的真正力量 you will now witness the true power of superior intimacy.
把这个软件撤了 Take the app down.
把软件撤了 不然我们就 就 就揍你 Take it down, or...we'll -- we'll -- we'll punch you.
有人有枪或者 Is there someone with a gun or --
已经让人送来了 It's on its way.
应用软件会继续运行 The app remains up.
你们的邪恶计划到底是什么 So what's the evil plan?
一定要有一个邪恶计划吗 Does there have to be an evil plan?
有人需要枪是吧 -Oh, uh, uh... -Uh, someone wanted a gun?
给我吧 谢谢了 I'll take it. Thanks.[ Gun cocks ]
是有这么个邪恶计划 Here's the evil plan.
- 我操 - 天杀的 -Fuck! -Goddamn it.
作为一个前应用软件文明 As a preapp civilization,
你们的爱是由稀缺性定义的 your love's value is defined by scarcity.
你们在追寻爱上训练有素 You are highly trained to seek it,
但却完全不知道怎么维持爱情 and you have no idea how to maintain it.
一旦你们掌握了爱的能力 Had you bothered to master love,
你们会意识到 爱就像水一样充足 you would've learned by now, it is as abundant as water.
但什么是不充足的呢 水 You know what isn't? Water.
这玩意用用就没了 That shit runs out.
所以我们准备拿走你们的水 So we'll be taking yours.
就在你们这个星球的人换来换去 沉溺于 While your planet continues to dick around with a, uh --
他们那版的软件叫什么来着 what is their version of it called?
寻寻又爱爱 有两个"寻"和"爱" Lovefinderrz, with two "R's" and a "Z."
- 难听 - 我知道 不是我起的名 -Oof. -Yeah, not my idea.
- 天啊 - 我打扰你们了吗 -Goddamn. -Am I interrupting?
- 难以置信 她居然来了 - mua -Impossible. Here she is. -Mwah.
你的囚犯要逃走了哦 Your prisoners are getting away.
囚犯只是工作而已 Prisoners are just things.
我们沟通一下感情 说说你的今天的见闻 Connect with me. Tell me about your day.
我参加了一场颠覆三观的会议 I had an incredible meeting.
你知道人类80%都是水分吗 Did you know humans are 80% water?
我发现了一个新的播客频道 今晚可以一起听 And I found a new podcast we can listen to tonight.
太好了 Love it.
好了 回归工作 Okay, back to work.
找到并杀掉那两个地球人 Find and kill those earthlings.
我们寡不敌众 没有希望了 We're outnumbered. There's no hope.
一会儿我们冲出去光荣牺牲 Then we go out in glory.
肉体入侵者 受死吧 Flesh intruder, prepare to die.
哦 等一下 Oh, hold on.
不好意思 少校 My apologies, Lieutenant Commander.
没关系 稍息 士兵 No problem. At ease, Solider.
开启员工考核模式 Initiate Employee Evaluation Mode.
- 正在读取运输记录 - 好的 听着 -Accessing delivery archive. -Okay, listen.
你运送了一个不加生菜的鸟蛋白俱乐部三明治 You delivered an avian protein club sandwich with no lettu.
妈的 Goddamn it.
哦 是在找这块吗 Oy, scoping for this bit, then?
好吧 好吧 我知道你想来一场 [ Chuckles ]Alright, a-a-alright. I know you want to have
以大欺小 但是 the big guy/little guy fight, but --
哦 你他妈是在逗我吗 Aw, are you fucking kidding me?
在类星体中部地区 Alien newscaster: Here at the Midland Quasar,
这里局面一片混乱 where, in a complete upset,
机器人革命竟然推翻了蜥蜴人 the Robolution has overturned the lizards.
完全没想到这个结局 It's totally unexpected.
呃 我能理解 菲利普斯先生 Uh, I understand, Mr. Phillips.
对 Yes.
我觉得这个是你的 I believe this is yours.
你 呃 是你掉的 You, uh -- you dropped that.
我一会儿给你回电话 I'll have to call you back.
你想在哪里死 Where do you want to die?
苏珊 三号会议室现在能用吗 Susan, is conference room three available?
我能看着我老婆的照片死吗 Can I look at a photo of my wife while you kill me?
当然可以 但我是在帮她的忙 Sure, but I'm doing her a favor.
要不就是她看人眼光不行 She either has terrible taste,
要不就是困在和马桶小偷的婚姻里了 or she's trapped in a marriage to a toilet thief.
她去世了 She's dead.
我不介意去找她 And I don't mind joining her.
自从我失去她 我一直过得很空虚 Life has been hollow since I lost her.
你的马桶倒是挺好用的 Using your toilet was nice, though.
我拉屎的时候会不好意思 I'm a bit of a shy pooper.
你准备好就可以动手了 I'm ready when you are.
坐那儿别动 Stay there.
把你对我说的话告诉他 Tell him what you told me.
这里是哪里 怎么回事 What is this? What's happening?
把你对我说的话告诉他 Tell him what you told me.
我老婆还活着 My wife's still alive.
她十年前病情就有所好转了 Sh--sh--she went into remission 10 years ago.
你今天做了什么 And what did you do today?
哦 我 呃 在一个特别好用的马桶里拉屎了 Oh, I, uh, pooped on a really awesome toilet I found.
别拿你死去的老婆当挡箭牌 Don't use your dead wife as an excuse.
你之所以在我的马桶拉屎 是因为你不知道自己几斤几两 You shit on my toilet because you don't know your place,
而你根本无足轻重 and your place is nothing.
如果下次你再发现一个 So next time you stumble onto a toilet
过于舒服的马桶 相信我 你确实不配 that feels too good for your ass, trust me, it is.
你不打算杀我了吗 You're not gonna kill me?
别对我指手画脚 Don't tell me what to do!
背景音乐 - Fabolous Feat. A Boogie
* 她说, "这是我的歌, 我的歌"* ♪ She say, "This is my shit, my shit"♪
*看我手腕挥一挥 手腕* ♪ See the flick of my wrist, of my wrist♪
*我知道她明白这是怎么回事* ♪ And I know she know what's up♪
删除 是否确定彻底删除样本#12029的所有信息
*宝贝 这是我的歌 我的歌* ♪ Baby, this is my shit, my shit♪
*看我手腕挥一挥 手腕* ♪ See the flick of my wrist, my wrist♪
你他妈是在逗我吗 Are you fucking kidding me?
*当你进入我的地盘 把我的酒杯装满* ♪ When you in my section, fill it up when my cup empty♪
*我不和告密者一起玩* ♪ I can't fuck with rats♪
*这是事实 那是傻逼做的事* ♪ That's a fact, that's a dub nigga ♪
哦 所以说你喜欢活着吗 Oh, so you like being alive?
那你为什么还要回来 So why the fuck are you back here?
你走之后 我在思考你说的话 After you left, I thought about what you said
以及我需要听到这些话吗 and how much I needed to hear it,
但后来我又思考你为什么会说这些话 but then I thought about whyyou were saying it,
你究竟是在对谁说 who you were really saying it to.
你和我的需求是一样的 瑞克 You need the same thing I needed, Rick.
你需要有人批准你继续活着 You need someone to give you, [grunts] permission to live.
搞什么 What the...?
我以为你不好意思拉屎呢 I thought you were a shy pooper.
你知道什么才是不好意思拉屎吗 瑞克 You know what shy pooping is, Rick?
为夺得控制权而做出的毫无意义的努力 It's a pointless bid for control.
你希望保护生活中自认为属于你的一部分 You want to take the one part of life
你希望向一个予取予求的世界 that you truly think is yours, and you want to protect it
换取它的安全 from a universe that takes whatever it wants.
我失去了太太 It took my wife.
你肯定也因此失去了什么 It clearly took something from you.
我们可以一辈子与之抗争 We can spend our lives fighting that,
或者我们可以选择放过自己 or we can choose to be free.
你说得对 托尼 我不想再抗争了 You're right, Tony. I'm done fighting.
是时候给自己自由了 Time to be free.
哦 等一下 你不会真的打算 Oh, wait, you're actually gonna --
哦 天啊 哦 天啊 Oh, God! Oh, God!
- 我在哪儿 - 嗨 小老鼠 Where am I? -Hi, little mouse.
宝宝 我好想你 Baby bee? I missed you so much.
我从未真的离开你 I never really left you.
那你应该知道几年前 Then you know that a few years ago
- 我开始喜欢 - 假阳具女干男黄片 I started getting into -- -Strap-on porn?
我知道 我觉得很性感 Yes. I thought it was hot.
- 我们走吧 - 你要去哪里 Now, come on. -Where are you going?
- 去拉屎 - 在哪拉 -To poop. -Where?
哪里都行 永永远远 Wherever you want, forever.
上帝啊 My God.
叫我吗 我也在拉屎 You rang? I'm pooping, too.
来啊 托尼 快来 Come, Tony. Come on.
来和我一起拉屎 和我一起拉屎 托尼 Come poop with me. Poop with me, Tony.
和我一起拉屎 Poop with me.
你在犹豫什么 What are you waiting for?
你不加入我们吗 托尼 Aren't you gonna join us, Tony?
你不和我们一起拉屎吗 Aren't you gonna join us in the pooping?
我们在哪里 这是啥 Where are we? What is this?
够了 出来 That's it. Get out.
你能创造出完美的 You can make a perfectly-realized,
虚拟厕所天堂 toilet-filled simulation of heaven,
却不能分享你的厕所 but you can't share a toilet?
不要侮辱我的作品 Don't insult my craft.
这种化学物质叫Globaflyn The chemical is Globaflyn.
能连接你大脑里想要的部分 It connects the whatever-you-want section
和你已经拥有的部分 of your brain to the whatever-you-have section.
如果你的天堂里都是马桶 那是你的问题 If your heaven is toilets, that's on you.
所有这些人 All of these people...
都在做着最狂野最无意义的梦 Are living their wildest, meaningless dreams
不会来打扰我 and leaving me out of them.
是你不愿杀死 也不愿让他们进入你生活的人 People you refuse to kill and refuse to let into your life.
这个选项你拒绝了 所以你还有最后一个机会 An offer you rejected, so here's your last chance.
永别了 你要是再碰我的厕所 你就得死 Goodbye forever. If you touch my toilet again, you die.
你需要朋友 You need a friend.
我有成千上万个比你酷的朋友 I have a million cooler friends than you.
- 我们会见面的 - 那你会死 -I'll be seeing you. -You'll be dying.
- 我们会成为朋友 - 你会死的 -We're gonna be friends. -You're gonna be dead.
好 我们一路杀到输气管 So, we fight our way to the gas line,
把它剪断 然后放火 we cut it, and then we set a fire.
好的 就这样 Okay. Alright.
莫蒂 这是"杰里和莫蒂历险记" Morty, "Adventures of Jerry and Morty," huh?
- 来击个掌 - 爸 你知道吗 Put her there. -Dad, look, y-you know,
我们没必要击掌 w-we don't need to high-five.
可以说都是你的错 It's -- it's kind of your fault
让我们被逼到这个境地 that we're in this situation at all.
我知道 但是 来嘛 I know, but, you know, come on.
"杰里和莫蒂历险记" "Adventures of Jerry and Morty."
好吧 Okay.
mua Mwah.
杰夫 我可以解释 Jeff, I can explain everything.
没这个必要 You don't have to.
你可以让我们俩结婚吗 Can you just marry us instead?
杰夫 不要啊 Jeff, don't do it!
理查德 Richard.
玛吉 Maggie.
- 奔跑的小鸟 - 我们走吧 -Running Bird. -Let's get out of here.
- 威瑟斯庞神父 - 约西亚 -Priest Witherspoon. -Josiah?
让我们走吧 Let's get the fuck out of here.
夏茉 史密斯 我们私奔吧 Summer Smith, let's get the hell out of here.
你说出我名字的那一刻 我就属于你了 You had me at my own name.
对哦 我为什么要 Oh, yeah, no. Why would I...?
夏茉 Summer!
傻逼玩意儿 Fucking thing.
我不会玩这个 Come on. I can't steer this.
你他妈在干嘛 What in the hell are you doing?
- 教育孩子 - 我可不是这么做的 -Parenting. -That's not how I did it.
是吗 你女儿呢 Yeah, where's yourdaughter?
你说得对 Ah, you're right.
她加入ISIS了 She joined ISIS.
是格鲁提 他变心了 It's Glootie, and he's had a change of heart.
现在他要放了我们 And he's going to set us free.
实际上 他因为带你们上船被究责 Actually, he's been blamed for bringing you aboard
然后被派来处决你们 and assigned to execute you.
哦哦哦 等等 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.
你女朋友会怎么看待你杀人这事 What would your girlfriend think of you murdering?
我正好在空窗期 I happen to be between relationships right now.
真的吗 我以为你们种族都有完美的爱情 Really? I thought your species had perfected relationships.
- 给你 - 我们禁止使用这些app Here.We're not allowed to use those apps.
到底是为什么呢 I wonder why.[ Cellphone beeps ]
和我想的一样 格鲁提 Yeah, that's what I thought, Glootie.
看起来你和我 Looks like you and I...[ Cellphone beeps ]
都是孤身一人 ...are all we've got.
我只能帮到你这儿了 I'm not helping you any more than that,
但你们可以找到飞机库 but if you can find the hangar,
挑艘飞船 然后离开这鬼地方 grab a ship and get the hell out of here.
格鲁提 你要去哪里 Where you going, Glootie?
去赴撤下约会软件的约 I've got a date with dumping a dating app.
格鲁提-鲁提-ooh Glootie-ootie-ooh!
- 这是他的个人标签吗 - 不是 -Was that ever his thing? -No.
- 他从来没有这样离场过 - 对 第一次 -He never exited that way. -No, first time.
爸 我想和你说 Dad, I want to say something.
今天刚开始 我为做你的儿子感到恶心和羞耻 I started today disgusted and embarrassed to be your son,
然后我以为我们要死了 and then later I thought we were gonna die
因为你是个怂货 because you're a loser.
- 你说完了对吗 - 对 -There's no more, is there? -Nope.
你不要再瞎逼乱搞 我们走 Now quit fucking up, and let's go.
托尼在吗 我给他带了 Is Tony here? I br-- I brought him some, uh,
纯素纤维辣酱 祖传秘方 Vegan Fiber Chili, delicious family recipe,
还有一些无糖巧克力 and a box of these, uh, chocolates, sugar free.
他想吃多少就吃多少 He can eat as many of these as he wants.
总之我就是来送这些的 Anyways, uh, just wanted to drop these off,
你告诉他 厕所随便用 and you tell him, uh, the toilet's all his.
他会懂什么意思的 H-He -- he'll know what I mean.
托尼死了 Tony died.
- 什么 - 他辞职了 -Excuse me? -He quit his job,
开始全心全意享受生活 starting living life to the fullest.
他撞在了一棵树上 He crashed into a tree
在宇宙珠穆朗玛峰太空滑雪的时候 space-skiing down Mount Space Everest.
我操 Fuck.
还有座宇宙珠穆朗玛峰 There's a Mount Space Everest?
行吧 呃 老天 Okay. Uh, Jesus.
我得消化消化 I-I got to process this.
等等 你最好别吃 Oh, no, no. You -- you don't want to eat that.
你 你 你会变成 Y-y-you'll -- you'll -- you'll become
豪门新人类的开头的 the opening of "The Beverly Hillbillies."
The Beverly Hillbillies <豪门新人类> 美国情景喜剧 讲述在西弗吉尼亚州的家里发现石油的贫苦人民迁到富裕的比佛利山庄居住后的故事
你知道我在说什么吗 气泡滚滚的原油 You know what I'm saying? A little bubbling crude?
- 德州茶 - 我不知道这些梗 Texas tea? -I don't know these references.
Texas tea 指石油 因为德州盛产石油
行吧 但你有一座宇宙珠穆朗玛峰 Yeah, but you have a Space Everest?
请收看"宇宙豪门新人类" Watch "Space Beverly Hillbilllies"
才能听懂我的笑话 天杀的智障 so my jokes can land, you fucking twat.
现在怎么办 Now what?
从此幸福快乐 Happily ever after.
在那之后呢 And after that?
我们一起寻找答案 We'll find out together.
夏茉 从上周起你碰到了多少个灵魂伴侣 Summer [scoffs] how many soul mates is that in the last week?
四个 妈你不能阻止我爱我所爱的人 Four. You can't s*Default me from loving who I love, Mom.
我怎么不能 Oh, the shit I can't.
在你满十八之前我都会母亲式管教你 I'm gonna mother you until your 18th birthday,
就算因为未经双方同意的母亲式管教被关进监狱 even if I get thrown in prison for non-consensual mothering.
即使那时 我也会越狱 And even then, I will break out,
找到你的房子 踢开你的门 come to your house, kick down your door,
把你愚蠢的逼脸母亲式管教个死 and mother your fucking face out of your stupid asshole.
贱人 那我会女儿式叛逆到你脑浆飞溅 I'm gonna daughter your brains out, bitch.
他妈的 Motherfucker!
这是我的名字 别滥用 That's my name. Don't wear it out.
让我看看新的灵魂伴侣 Gimme dat new soul mate.
广告 Ad wall?
去你的 Fuck this.
广告 他们现在想让我们付费了吗 Ad wall?What, they want us to pay for it now?
呃, 广告? Man: Ugh, ad wall?
走吧 妈 我们回家 Come on, Mom. Let's go home.
这下好了 我们失去了地球 Great. We lost Earth.
我们不会被所作所为定义 我们只需要彼此 We aren't defined by what we do, and we only need each other.
彼此 以及水 Each other -- and water.
难道我们没有水吗 There's no water?
亲爱的 征服地球最重要的原因就是 Honey, the whole point of conquering Earth --
我知道征服地球的原因 I know the point of conquering Earth.
- 别这样对我说话 - 像我很饥渴一样吗 Don't talk to me like -- -Like I'm thirsty?
像我是你妈一样 幼稚的混蛋 Like I'm your mother, you childish prick.
你从背上这些愚蠢的管道里吸了多少水 How much water are you sucking through these stupid fucking tubes on your back?
这些管子很酷 还有我想离婚 These tubes are cool, and I want a divorce.
给我一杯天杀的水就离婚 You can have one for a glass of Goddamn water.
你可能用了这个应用程序 Look, uh, on the off-chance that you used the app
有人在期盼你 我 and there's someone out there waiting for you, I, uh --
杰里 我没有用 你呢 Jerry, I didn't use it. Did you?
我吗 没有 天 当然没有 Me? No. God, of course not.
那我们就没事了 亲爱的 Well, then, we're all good, dawg.
嗨 托尼他爸 Hey, uh -- Hey, uh, Tony's dad,
这里有80亿你们的货币 uh, th-this is, um, $8 billion in your local currency,
这是可以克隆一个新的你儿子的工具 and, uh, this is a kit you can use to clone a new son.
他的大脑不会和以前一样 He -- he won't have the same brain.
他会像个动物 但你可以教育他 He'll kind of be an animal man, but you can teach him stuff.
我也想让你知道 I-I-I also wanted to let you know
我在无数个宇宙中找了找 I did explore infinite universes,
有一版无比邪恶的托尼 and there is a version of Tony that was completely evil
造成了很多种族灭绝 and ended up causing a lot of genocide
因为他充分的自我满足 because of how fulfilled he was.
其实从很多角度来看 So, really, a lot of ways of looking at this
你的损失不是很大 as not much of a loss.
我理解 I understand.
失去朋友很令人难过 It's, uh, hard losing a friend.
- 去你的 - 什么 -Fuck you. -What?
他不是我的朋友 He's not my friend.
原来他在这呢 这家伙 There he is. There's our guy.
恭喜你托尼 Congrats, Tony.
祝你和厕所玩得开心 Have fun with your stupid toilet
你现在可以随意使用了 that you get to use all by yourself now.
完全自己一个人享受 同时坐在这里 Enjoy using it all by yourself while you sit there
想着没有人愿意待在你身边 and think about how nobody wants to be around you
你是如何因为自私而毁掉它的 and how you ruined it for yourself
因为你是一坨超级大的屎 because you're a huge piece of shit.
看看你坐在这 Look at you sitting there,
屎王坐在他孤独的宝座上 King Shit on his throne of loneliness.
和一千个我享受这个厕所 Enjoy this toilet with a thousand of me
每拉一次屎就尖叫一次 screaming every time you take a shit.
吾王万岁 All hail his majesty,
全宇宙最可悲的垃圾 the sa-a-ddest piece of garbage in the entire cosmos.
屎王大坏蛋万岁万万岁 Long live the big, bad, doo-doo daddy.
愿你统治千年 May his reign last 1,000 years.
瑞克 是你拿走了塔帕蒂欧辣酱吗 Rick, did you take the Tapatío?
啊 格洛布芬 Hmm, Globaflyn?
- 谢了 我可永远搬不动的 - 不客气 Thanks. I could never lift it up.No problem.
因为你 我接下来几周都能喝水了 I'll be able to drink water for weeks because of you.
这只是我的工作 女士 It's just part of my job, ma'am.
频道19 这里是司机杰里 史密斯 Breaker one nine, this is Jerry Smith.
今天的第一个货刚刚送到 Uh, just finished my first delivery of the day.
还有900个要送 900 more to go.
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